Rewritten persuasive paper

I need this paper rewritten and below are the comments my professor made on it

-At the end of the introduction paragraph my professor stated: I liked the way you have used a question to try to reach your reader, however, make sure you end your introduction with a clear thesis statement.

-And the last paragraph before the conclusion the professor stated: Excellent paragraph development

week 5 assignment_3_persuuasive_paper_part_1.docx 

 
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